This isn’t entirely a post that I have been planning like most of the ones I write, but it felt like something I needed to share. It’s something that I was inspired about late last night, and something that I really feel some people need to hear.
I don’t know about all of you, but I think it is safe to assume that at some point in your life, your heart has been broken. Maybe it wasn’t by a boyfriend or girlfriend – maybe it was a best friend, or a disappointment in yourself, or anything. I know I’ve had more than my share of broken hearts and disappointment. I have come to realize that even though they suck beyond belief, especially when the wound is fresh, they aren’t defining you. I don’t even think I could count the times I’ve been disappointed in something that I’ve said, or how many times a boy made me cry, or how many times a girlfriend made me upset or frustrated. I do know one thing though, I’m done.
I don’t mean I’m done dealing with people, or done letting things bother me, because let’s face it- that would be impossible. I love being around people, meeting new people, and just being around others. If you don’t know me personally, you should know that I’m a very extroverted person, so it wouldn’t make me happy to shut people out. On the other hand, I think it would be impossible to prevent something from bothering me [or anyone for that matter]. I’m a pretty relaxed person, but sometimes I get annoyed with little things; everyone has their off days.
With this feeling of being “done,” I have decided to choose love. No, I’m not choosing to love someone else or rely on a boy to fulfill my desire for love. I choose to love myself. I want to finally feel like the things I do are more than enough. I’m a perfectionist and need to learn to relax and let myself be me. I’ve found that the people that I am closest with know everything about me. The guys that know the real me aren’t jerks like others. The people that know the real me lift me up, they can make me laugh when all I want to do is cry or kick
someone something. I choose to love myself as a whole, imperfections and all. I am going to love my body, and work to strengthen myself for me, not for other people. I’m going to stop comparing myself to others, because we all have our own story to write.
I am going to love myself even when I’m heart broken or disappointed. I’m not going to let these things upset me or dictate my life. I know I’m not the most overtly emotional person, and that’s 150% okay. It’s a part of who I am. Despite the fact that I don’t overtly show emotion to many people, I still hold onto things. I find myself in an internal battle sometimes if I am upset about something. I know that I should share with people, but I don’t always feel comfortable doing so. This leaves my head spinning sometimes and stuck in a loop that I can’t break free from. Sometimes the smallest thing that disappoints me will be on my mind for days, weeks, even months sometimes. It can be a vicious cycle, and I’m ready to break free from it.
I’ve decided that I’m going to make a change. I am going to stop letting these worries dictate my life, my emotions, and consume me as a whole. I’m going to deal with them in the present, and let them live in the past once they’re handled and dealt with. It’s too taxing on my time, my mind, and even my health to let something from a week ago, or even a year ago still bother me. I’m going to take things and learn from them. One of my favorite quotes is from The Lion King; Rafiki says “Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.” This is something that I need to remember and start to live with. I know that God, my friends, my family, and people that care about me wouldn’t want me to be dwelling on something from the past, so why do I do it? It doesn’t benefit me, it doesn’t help anyone. It’s a big adjustment and is going to be tough, but I’m going to take the things that upset me, learn from them, and move on.
I choose to love myself because not all people can be pleased. Although I don’t tend to be the super “people pleaser” type, I do want people to like me. I don’t feel the need to please everyone, because that would be a full time job in itself. I do, however, find myself trying to help people when they ask for it. Many times I’ve noticed that people will ask for advice, or help, or want something from you, etc., but won’t accept what you have to offer. Let me explain – someone asks for advice, or asks you to be honest, but doesn’t like what you have to say and won’t take your answer because it’s not what they wanted to hear. On the other hand of the spectrum, I feel the need to have other people’s approval. This is so not true and I feel that I am wasting my time trying to please other people for their approval. I choose to love myself because pleasing other people isn’t the most important thing in my life, and if someone doesn’t like the real, genuine me, they honestly aren’t worth my time. I’m happy with who I am as a person, and want to perpetuate that.
I choose love because it makes sense. I choose love because love inspires love. I choose love because I want to be 100% happy with my life, all the time. I choose love because it’s better for my health, my friendships, my relationships, and more. I choose love because love is what God intended. I choose love because there is too much hatred in the world. I choose love, do you?
P.S. Thanks to Marina E Photography for all the awesome pictures! Check out her website here!